Frederic Madre on Fri, 24 Mar 2000 12:44:37 +0100 (CET)

[Date Prev] [Date Next] [Thread Prev] [Thread Next] [Date Index] [Thread Index]

[nettime-fr] [copyleft_attitude par Carl Steadman]

Nobody knows you're a slacker, if you use e-mail correctly. Here's how. 

                                   By Carl Steadman

                                   A coworker e-mails you, informing you
                                   that your company's Web site is in a
                                   dot-coma. What is your reply?

                                     a."I take full responsibility. I should
                                        have foreseen this." 
                                     b."Bali is overrated, anyway. I won't
                                        rest until it's fixed." 
                                     c."Were you always this incompetent,
                                        or did it set in only after your first

                                   Bzzzt! Unless you answered "d. None of
                                   the above," you're in some serious trouble.
                                   Trick question? Learn the tricks of the
                                   trade, and start e-mailing like a pro!

                                   Nobody Knows You're a Slacker
                                   Even before you signed your first
                                   stock-option agreement you probably had
                                   at least some familiarity with e-mail. One
                                   person sends a message to someone else,
                                   which calls for a reply, which garners
                                   another, and so on and so forth until the
                                   two meet in person, at which point it's realized at least one
                                   correspondent is a dog ­ sometimes literally.

                                   Forget all that, along with everything else you know about e-mail.
                                   (Except maybe that thing with your name and the "@" in the middle.)

                                   So what is e-mail? Why, it's a fun, happy place to while away your
                                   days, while maintaining the illusion of being a productive member of
                                   the brave new workforce.

                                   A 10-day Waiting Period
                                   Today's knowledge worker does little else but e-mail. You should be
                                   constantly monitoring your e-mail, filtering your e-mail, perhaps even
                                   reading it. Just be careful not to write any.

                                   E-mail creates a "paper" trail. Rest assured, hastily formed opinions
                                   such as "the mailing list went out in triplicate" will only come back to
                                   haunt you later. And the "it was forged" excuse stops working after
                                   the first 20 times or so. So when should you reply? DON'T reply:

                                     1.On the first request. 
                                     2.On the second request. 
                                     3.After multiple pleas for you to reply with something, anything ­
                                        even to state that you have no intention of ever replying. 

                                   Automatic Writing
                                   It's often best, of course, to avoid temptation, and not read your
                                   e-mail at all. This is probably easier than you think!

                                   Consult your e-mail software's friendly animated assistant for help in
                                   setting up an auto response to each incoming message. Nothing too
                                   involved; just a short note that might be mistaken for a hastily
                                   composed reply:

                                   "Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I'm sorry I can't reply in
                                   more detail right now, but I promise to put at least as much thought
                                   into the matter as you so obviously did."

                                   For that air of authenticity, toss in a few typos. Or mark the
                                   response as highest priority or "Urgent," which will ensure your
                                   message is completely ignored.

                                   Be Brief
                                   If you must provide a personalized response, make your replies
                                   concise to the point of being cryptic. After all, you don't want it to
                                   appear as if you spend all day doing e-mail instead of real work. The
                                   best replies are one-liners that are vaguely approving, yet dismissive.
                                   Try "Thanks for thinking about this," "I appreciate the heads up," or
                                   our favorite, "It's amazing you found the time to do this."

                                   Tip: If a recipient complains about one of your two-word answers,
                                   simply say "I sent that from my Palm VII." You're home free!

                                   Fun with Forwards
                                   E-mail is never boring! Don't forget to "mistakenly" forward anything
                                   potentially embarrassing, incriminating or open to misinterpretation.

                                   Prefix a fake response that was obviously intended for some other
                                   recipient, and send to the party who will take the most offense. Sit
                                   back and watch the fur fly!


commentaire de f.

dans le monde de l'art, il faut penser à ajouter

sorry for cross-posting!

#<> est une liste francophone de politique,
 art,culture et net, annonces et filtrage collectif de textes.
#Cette liste est moderee, pas d'utilisation commerciale sans permission.
#Archive: contact:
#Contact humain <>