Syndicate: Late Breaking News from CNN News Corp. (fwd)

[Zvonimir Bakotin <zone@basis.Desk.nl>]

an total of total war :-(


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HEADLINES: 
==============

Top Stories in this issue: 
==============

1. Russians Fire Bullets at American Embassy, Homeless man heroically
fights them off with second hand nuclear bomb found outside kazachistan

2. U.S. Denies NATO Strikes Aggravated Kosovo Violence, Then suddenly
remember that we've been bombing fuck out of them for week

3. Dope-Smoking Womanizer Starts World War Fucking Three, Millions of
americans support in spectacle not at all reminiscent of Hitler

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1. Russians Fire Bullets at American Embassy, Homeless man heroically
fights them off with second hand nuclear bomb found outside kazachistan

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MOSCOW -- Gunmen in a sport-utility vehicle stolen from police sprayed
the U.S. Embassy here with automatic-rifle fire Sunday after an
unsuccessful attempt to fire a rocket-propelled grenade at the
building.
They seemed to be distraight about something. 

 No one was injured in the midafternoon attack, which was captured in a
video shown on a moscow television  program, "Moscows Funniest Failed
Attempts At Destroying The Capitalist Menace." 

President Boris Yeltsin was reportedly angered by the incident as a
"waste of ammunition" and ordered stepped-up security at the embassy,
where hundreds of protesters continued to demonstrate against NATO
military action against Yugoslavia, blocking Pizza Delivery Boys. 

The Interfax news agency described the attack as a ``dangerous
political
provocation'' that underscores anti-American bitterness over the NATO
effort, as well as "the fundamental right to pizza delivery."

The air strikes against Russia's Slavic allies have sparked an angry
mood here, stirring outrage from politicians and ordinary citizens. The
pizza boy was especially distraught, as he threatened to use the 
second hand nuclear warhead he found in a flea market held by ex-party
officials in kazhakistan. 

"I thought it would be pretty cool to have." he said. 

 Col. Alexander Kostaninov, an officer in an elite Moscow police unit,
is part of the security detail at the embassy, said he saw the white
vehicle. 

Two men jumped out and aimed grenade launchers at the building, but the
weapons either misfired or were not operated properly, as is customary
quirk in all russian manufacturing. An attacker in a mask, helmet and
bulletproof vest with camouflage coloration ("not very effective
camoflauge, may I add") then pulled an automatic rifle from the vehicle
and fired more than 20 shots. The side of the building was scored by at
least eight bullets. From his accuracy, the government assumes he has
been trained by top Moscow Police force.

Authorities said the attackers had stolen the vehicle, a white
Opel-Frontera, from a police colonel, pushing him out of the way and
then speeding away toward the
embassy. 



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2. U.S. Denies NATO Strikes Aggravated Kosovo Violence, Then suddenly
remember that we've been bombing fuck out of them for week

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||___________________

WASHINGTON - The White House insisted Monday that NATO's air strikes
against Yugoslavia had not triggered a new wave of alleged ``death'' in
Kosovo.

Thousands of ethnic Albanians streamed out of Kosovo Monday telling
harrowing tales of atrocities at the hands of Serbian forces whom they
accused of a systematic campaign of terror, explosions and wanton
destruction. NATO was surprised to see no relief on the face of
albanians when they were told that in fact, NATO was responsible for
them, not the serbs. 

"I was shocked, but they really didn't seem to care WHO was killing
them, more or less they cared about being killed. We may have to
rethink
the whole bombing thing now." White House spokesman Joe Lockhart told
reporters.

According to refugee accounts and U.S. officials, Yugoslav President
Slobodan Milosevic has in recent days accelerated an offensive against
separatist ethnic
Albanians in the southern Yugoslav province. He has 
also ordered 2000 vats of virgin blood per day to bathe in, and
demanded
playing cards with photos of natural disastor backing to play rummy. "I
need to relax sometimes." 

``This was done in the past with impunity. This week with the NATO
operation ... it is being done at a price,'' he added, furthering the
capitalist idea of time as money, and suggesting the NATO campaign will
be sustained. ``This will take time and we will continue doing it until
our military objectives are met.''

NATO said Monday that five ethnic Albanian leaders had been killed in
cold blood in the latest atrocity in Kosovo and admitted that it was
racing against time to
stop the violence in the province, which could only be stopped by what
NATO calls "more violence."

President Clinton returned to the White House from the Camp David
presidential retreat Monday for a briefing on the NATO strikes and the
Serb offensive in
Kosovo from his national security advisers.

He then left to play golf at the Army-Navy Country Club in Arlington,
Virginia, across the Potomac River from Washington. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

U.S. officials said they welcomed Russian Prime Minister Yevgeny
Primakov's peace mission to Belgrade, but made clear that NATO had no
intention of stopping its air strikes until Milosevic accepts a peace
agreement.

"How about this peace agreement- stop bombing the living fuck out of
us." Said Milosovich, drinking 
a cold thick drink made from baby carcasses and 
the sweat of satans testicles. 

``We welcome any diplomatic efforts that lead to a halt to Belgrade's
offensive against the Kosovar Albanian population and to convince
President Milosevic to
comply with his ... commitments,'' State Department spokesman James
Rubin said, with cryptic pause.  

``But let me be clear: NATO will bomb the living fuck out of them until
such time as President Milosevic halts his offensive and commits to a
settlement based on the Boulebaise accords. I mean, Rambouillet.''

While there is broad skepticism in the United States about the use of
ground troops over Kosovo, some typically free thinking, progressive
Republicans have begun suggesting that Clinton consider killing off the
widely liberal youth of america. .

``I do not call for the introduction of ground troops at this time.
However, U.S. and NATO officials must not rule out any action that
might
be needed to secure our
goals,'' Arizona Republican Sen. John McCain said, not clarifying
whether he refer to NATO strike or his own parties elections. 

``Means must be designed to serve our ends, not vice versa.'' 



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3. Dope-Smoking Womanizer Starts World War Fucking Three, Millions of
americans support him in spectacle not at all reminiscent of Hitler

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||___________________

Dateline, Washington: 

Someone in america with reputation for smoke weed 
and molest women has still manage to rally support 
from americans because of boyish charm and good looks myth, despite
initiating the world into borderline world war three conditions with
some drunk guy elderly man "out west but not so far as china."

! 



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\
===
L<A>W98
IMPERFECT FLUIDS
IFAC@YAHOO.COM
THE TIME IS NOW
RESTART

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