ReindeR Rustema on Sat, 7 Feb 1998 07:51:18 +0100 (MET)

[Date Prev] [Date Next] [Thread Prev] [Thread Next] [Date Index] [Thread Index]

Re: <nettime> nettime moderation

At 6:15 PM +0000 2/1/98, Matthew Fuller wrote:

>conversations compiled by email and turned into chat
>documents; stupid sayings; things overheard on the bus; stolen documents

Voila, a document I once found in the computerlab.



Subject: usual angst
Date: Fri, 24 Nov 1995 04:47:34 -0500 (EST)

Hi it is just me freaking out about what the hell I am all about.  It is
five in the morn and I am sitting here with a five piece luggage set under
my eyes, tense shoulders, and the smell of Scott in my bed.  Tonite, Ross
calls me at two and we talk about nothing in particular, but we flirt as
usual and I tell him to come over if he wants, thirty minutes later
there's a knock on my door, and what do we have?...A drunk Scotty!
        So we hang out for a while and then ofcourse he starts attcking me
and a bit later we go up to my room to sleep, but ofcourse there is no
sleep involved.  But once my mind catches up to my body, I am feeling sick
with regret that I had even started the whole damn thing.  So I tell him
to stop and then he gets really upset with me when I go down stairs to
sleep.  He just left and I feel really terrible.  I know I just should
have avoided the entire situation, but I didn't listen to myself and now I
feel dirty and vile, nho to mention guilty for putting him in that situation.
        We have the crappiest, most mal-adjusted relationship ever, I
should just never talk to him again.  It woulodn't be that difficult, I am
not going to claim grandiose passion or love for him, I just worry about
myself and what this all says about me.  Am I really fucked up because I
can't stick to my self imposed limits?  Am I that weak?I hate self doubt.
        Okay, I really neede to talk to you and this was the next best
thing.  I feel like a dog terd and my bed is too smelly so I am goint o
read some Tom.  Will you write me back and tell me not to worry about such
trivial matters please. It is just that this dating around/fucking around
thing is all new to me, but it feels really cheap and unreal.  So how to
have realtionships with guys without practically getting engaged?  is
there some middle ground and if so is monogamy the only way to go?  If you
have any ideas call 1 813 765 6510.
        Well, I'm outta here, sorry for the psycho note I am just a crazy
bitch.  All my love and meaningful kisses, Lisa (your partner in sexual

#  distributed via nettime-l : no commercial use without permission
#  <nettime> is a closed moderated mailinglist for net criticism,
#  collaborative text filtering and cultural politics of the nets
#  more info: and "info nettime" in the msg body
#  URL:  contact: