francesca da rimini on Mon, 9 Feb 1998 23:49:41 +0100 (MET)

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<nettime> bad

<META NAME="DESCRIPTION" CONTENT="Yale Web Style Guide, 2nd edition. A
style manual for the design of Web pages and Web sites. Covers graphic and
information design, page layout, Web graphics, site organization,
navigation, and Web multimedia content. The style guide is freely
available for downloading and mirroring. Authors: Patrick J. Lynch, Yale
University, and Sarah Horton, Dartmouth College.">

Typically there is no "story" to tell, so the usage patterns are totally
non-linear. Contact time is typically brief, the shorter the better.

today = new Date();

New date, oooh baby. Like it's gonna make a difference what the fucking
date is. Another happy Monday. Another girl, another planet. Yeah,

Everything's kinda bad right now. Too many slip ups. Slip ups? Hello,
major fuck ups even. Let's not beat off behind the truth or dare bush.
(Which reminds me, how fucking bad does that skanky ho Madonna look these
days since she's spawned her own baby jesus with a cunt, and she's going
for that whore no more  permanently stained by catholicism look? Like she
can't be a slut and have her kiddie cupcake too. Cos then she'd buy it,
like princess zombie, and that guy from that band who died with shoelaces
round his balls, and all those other tossers who weren't smart enough to
sign up to the ron something hubbard program. Spooky. Another bitch bites
the conspiracy dust. Hasta la vista, baby.)

Often the typical user is already highly educated.

function getRandomNumber(n) {

Number's up, loser. 

Anyway, like I was saying, you know it's gonna be a bad day when you wake
up and start getting out of it before you get out of bed. Doing it with
your eyes still stuck tight with dried sleep goo. Not a real good look if
you've got company that's still warm. Saying yes to drugs usually gives
you some kinda familiar jetlag spin on things, which is just fine under
normal circumstances. But nothing's normal anymore. And according to
Reality Chick, nothing's gonna be normal for a long long time.

Novices tend to be intimidated by complex text menus and may be tentative
about delving deep into the site if the home page is not graphically
attractive and clearly arranged.

Trying to remember when and how things started going from bad to badder is
like trying to breathe through mud. I can't do it. Reality Chick puts it
down to selective amnesia. 

function initArray(n) {
	this.length = n;
	for(var i = 1; i <= n; i++) {
		this[i] = "";
	return this;

But if I don't try to think about it, if I just kinda float around in my
mind, like some kinda pretty but ultimately stupid tropical fish in some
generic doomed coral reef, then I begin to get it. Well, not get it
exactly, but something's downloading, on a fuck of a slow connection
mebbe, so slow you swear it's crashed, but no, those comets are still
doin' their thang in the top right hand corner and about twenty years
later i get to see the picture.

function scrolldown() {

        for(var i = 0;i <= 800; i += 2) {



        window.location = "riverboy.htm"


Infrequent users benefit from overview pages, hierarchical maps, and
design graphics and icons that help trigger memory about where information
is stored within your site. 


So there's this kid in the picture. And he's kinda young. Well, very
young.  Even Reality Chick kinda looked at me strange when I brought him
in. Like she knew I'd crossed that line that no-one ever mentioned but we
all knew was there.

Expert users are very impatient with multiple low-density graphic
menus that only offer two to six choices at time.
I guess I'd been getten bored with fast food. Home alone. Empty calories.
Festering packages. Mutant cockroaches. Waking up with a nasty taste in my

Power users crave stripped-down, fast-loading text menus. Graphic fru-fru
drives them nuts. 

My gran always used to say that a change is as good as a holiday. Yeah,
right. What a total piece of crap that is. But anyway, basically I was
bored shitless by everything. Like I'd wake up and my first thought would
be 'why bother' and I'd feel like for the rest of the day, no matter who
or what we'd do. Like there just didn't seem to be any point to anything. 

This audience is also easily bored and needs the frequent stimulation of
well-designed graphics and illustrations to stay involved with the

I got so bad that Reality Chick gave me a new tag - Flatline. Very funny
I'm pissing myself.

But she had a point. The point being that I wasn't much fun to be around
anymore. I lacked motivation, dedication. I was rapidly losing my position
as the Slice Girl of her dreams. My knife was getting too rusty to bust a
move on legless cripple even. 

set Timeout(imageFlip()', 200);

So I did it. 

The audiences for heuristic, self-directed learning will chafe at design
strategies that are too restrictive and linear.

I could blame it on the download subliminals. If I had to. 

Somehow the 'why bother' script got over-written by 'let's have chicken

Still don't remember the exact details.

Except his eyes. 

Pretty vacant. No future.


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