The Anarchives on Thu, 15 Jan 1998 06:47:17 +0100 (MET)

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<nettime> Telecom of Jamaica for Jesus

     'in the old days God could afford to ignore the Internet'
The Anarchives 				Volume 4 Issue 14
	The Anarchives			Published By
		The Anarchives		TAO Communications
			The Anarchives

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Date: Thu, 8 Jan 1998 21:38:53 -0500 (GMT-0500)
From: AFfLiCTed <>
To: The Anarchives <>
Subject: News At TOJ 

T.O.J to give special deal to Christian cellular customers.
By Peter Dean Rickards aka Afflicted

T.O.J (Telecommunications of Jamaica) has announced that it will be
offering special rates to customers
who can prove that they are real Christians. Until this point, both
heathens and believers in Jesus Christ have had  to pay the same
connection fees and monthly activation charges. One spokesperson from
T.O.J  has announced that "Christians are generally more deserving of
cheaper phone rates because  they are saved by Jesus Christ." The
spokesperson also added "..if Jesus Christ was here on earth now, it would
be T.O.J's policy to offer him special rates since communications would be
a vital tool for the savior." In contrast, the company stated that they
would not give special rates to Lucifer if he shows up because he is sure
to abuse the phone system and "use it to spread evil." As such, the
company has reasoned that since Jesus is in heaven right now, it is
appropriate to give discount rates to those people who talk to him
regularly. There is a catch however. Only heathen customers will be able
to dial the numbers 666 in succession. It is assumed that Christians have
no use for this number anyway because it is the mark of the beast and has
no place in Christian communications. In order to be eligible for T.O.J's
special rates, customers must demonstrate ridiculously conservative
attitudes towards sex and clothing. Also, intolerance of other religions
as well as a healthy colonialist attitude are mandatory. Besides the
special phone rates being offered by T.O.J, there is rumor that God
himself might be using services by T.O.J to set up a web page.  " God is
everywhere" said T.O.J sales rep. Michael Donaldson. He added: " in the
old days God  could afford to ignore the Internet because everyone was
reading scrolls. But today it makes good political sense that the Lord
make full use of the Web. To ignore the Internet is  to ignore the
millions of potential followers who visit cyberspace everyday." So, get
out your crucifixes and head down to T.O.J.'s sales offices. And don't go
in there all stinking of weed either because real Christians don't smoke

"Hinckley Had a VisIoN"
AFFlicted 1998

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