integer on Wed, 6 Mar 2002 22:08:22 +0100 (CET)

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<nettime> \/\ hou 2 get dzat look

"You only find out how attached you are to identity being locked down and battened down and unchanging when
 you bump into an entity like her. She is the acid test of whether people can deal with ambiguity," says Beaubien. 

A river of NN.s 

Most fish are unconscious...

Katharine Mieszkowski

>Only Netochka 


>could transform the impulse to confine her to a single identity, to unmask the true, the real, the one
>and only Netochka, 


>into a symptom of shallowness. Why do you feel that you have to know?

What do you feel may be the reason you have selected to write the article +?


[from last episode    | komplet -

Katharine Mieszkowski wearing gloss

00   She's a capitalist who screams anti-capitalism, an artist who infuriates artists, 
     a Net phenomenon who terrorizes her medium. 

     And if I were to portray her as a cruel character assassin who slanders anyone 
     who disagrees with her publicly -- the great terror of the Net! -- so much the better.


     Finished Katharine +?
     Good. You do not know NN
     for, likewise, I do not know. 

    "As she puts it, in e-mail: `Being ambiguous, we are deemed confused, 
     rather than praised for the complexity of the order in our minds.`" 

     trying - for 01 very very good reason.
     ... here, somewhere 

"It is just the same with mothers. When they have borne their
children and given them their milk and beauty and strength, 
they themselves become invisible, and no one asks about them any more."

"But that is sad," I said, without really thinking very much about it.

"I do not think it is sadder than all other things," said Leo. "Perhaps
it is sad and yet also beautiful. The law ordains that it shall be so."

"The law?" I asked curiously. "What law is that, Leo?"

"The law of service. He who wishes to live long must serve, but he
who wishes to rule does not live long."

"Then why do so many strive to rule?"

"Because they do not understand. There are few who are born to be masters;
they remain happy and healthy. But all the others who have only
become masters through endeavor, end in nothing."

"In what nothing, Leo?"

"For example, in the sanitoria."

I understood little about it and yet the words remained
in my memory and left me with a feeling that this Leo knew all kinds of things,
that he perhaps knew more than us, who were ostensibly his masters.


>it's happening
>but too slowly for my taste.

suddenly i could bear the uncertainty + suspense no longer.
i hastened to the section chattorum res gestae, looked for my subdivision
and number and stood in front of the part marked with my name. this was a niche,
and when i drew the thin curtain aside i saw that it contained nothing written.
it contained nothing but a figure. an old and worn-looking model made from
wood or wax in pale colors. it appeared to be a kind of deity or barbaric idol.

at first glance it was entirely incomprehensible to me. it was a figure that really
consisted of two; it had a common back. i stared at it for a while, disappointed
and surprised. then i noticed a candle in a metal candle stick fixed to the wall
of the  niche. a match-box lay there. i lit the candle and the strange double figure
was now brightly illuminated.

only slowly did it dawn upon me.

only slowly and gradually did i begin to suspekt and then perceive what it was intended to 

it represented a figure which was my self, and this likeness of my self was unpleasantly 
weak and half-real.  it had blurred features, and in its whole expression there was something 
unstable, weak, dying or wishing to die, and looked rather like a piece of sculpture which could be
called "Transitoriness" or "Decay", or something similar. On the other hand, the other
figure which was joined to mine to make one, was strong in color and form, and just as i
began to realize whom it resembled, namely the servant and president leo, i discovered
a second candle in the wall and lit this also.

i now saw the double figure representing leo and myself, not only becoming clearer
and each image more alike, but i also saw that the surface of the figures was transparent
and that one could look inside as one can look through the glass of a bottle or vase.

inside the figures i saw something moving, slowly, extremely slowly,
in the same way that a snake moves that has fallen asleep.
something was taking place here, something like a very slow,
smooth but continuos flowing or melting; indeed, something melted or
poured across from my image to that of leo's. i perceived that my image
was in the process of adding to and flowing into leo's, nourishing
and strengthening it. it seemed that, in time, all the 

substance from one image would flow into the other and only one would remain: leo.
he must grow, i must disappear.

as i stood there and looked and tried to understand what i saw, 
i recalled a short conversation that i once had with leo during
the festive days at bremgarten. we had talked about the creations
of poetry being more vivid and real than the poets themselves.

the candles burned low and went out.
i was overcome by an infinite weariness and desire to sleep,
and i turned away to find a place

where i could lie down and sleep.

[ ... d!d u enjo! !t uen !t kame +?

7 Jul 07 2000

Just as a cautious businessman avoids tying up all his capital in one
concern, so, perhaps, worldly wisdom will advise us not to look for the whole
of our satisfaction from a single aspiration. -Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)

monz!uer frued = obv!ouzl! != haz made nn.z akua!ntansz

1 Nov 2000

>Life has been considered as a preparation for death from the times of Socrates. At the same time Epicurus has taught us that there is nothing dreadful in life for the man who has truly comprehended that there is nothing terrible in not living. Starting from there, one could even strive for happiness. Epicurus observed that of all the things that wisdom provides to help one live one's life in happiness, the greatest by far is the possession of friendship. Such was his attachment to congenial company, that he recommended that one try never to eat alone: Before you eat or drink anything, consider carefully who you eat or drink with rather than what you eat or drink; 

!ntel!gent = 2 konz!dr uhom u eat

>for feeding without a friend is the life of a lion or a wolf 
>(quoted in Seneca, Epistulae Morales XIX, 10). 
>But how to deal with the death of a friend? 

g!v fr!end l!f

 Netochka Nezvanova  -  Ex.pressing. your interior world. Lift 2 Ex.perienss.  
 f3.MASCHIN3NKUNST - if see something so wonderful it hurts - i rent it.
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29 Dec 2000

tzzt + tzzt. nn - neu bater!

                        n0!         !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!z.
            n0          !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!z.

!mag!n etvaz !oung hom!n!dz huddl!ng around 01 ple!ztocene kampf!re 
enjo!ng dze!r neul! evolvd languaj ab!l!tate. 2 xy objktz engage !n2 
01 argumnt re:natur ov dze velt + komensz d!zpla!.

dze hom!n!d namd karl poztulatez: `we are mortal. fallible primates who
survive on this fickle savanna only because we cluster in these jealousy
ridden groups. everywhere we have ever traveled is just a tiny random korner 
of a vast kontinent on an unimaginably huge sphere spinning in a vacuum. 
the sphere has traveled billions and billions of times around a flaming ball 
of gas which will eventually blow up to incinerate our empty fossilized skulls. 
i have discovered several compelling lines of evidence in support of these hypotheses...`

dze hom!n!d named kand!de !nterruptz: `behold. believe i do we are immortal spirits
gifted with these sensual and beautiful bodies for the great wug has
chosen us as favorite. and so has blessed us with this fecund paradise 
providing sufficient challenges to entertain our beautiful and sensual minds. 

there - behind the moon - mystic nightingales our praises sing. 
and there - high above the azure dome of the sky the sun warmly smiles 
on our hearts. when we shall age we shall enjoy the metababbling of our beautiful 
children, and wug shall lift us from these bodies our friends to join 
for roasted gazelle and dance eternal.

i know these things for wug has selected me to receive this special wisdom
in my extravagant dreams"

u!ch !deolog!e do u zuposz ud prov > seksuall! atrakt!v +?
u!l karl.z truth seek!ng genez - u!ch ma! d!zkovr radzr ugl! truthz 
outkompet kand!de.z uandrfl ztor! genez +?

ev!densz = zugeztz dze latr.
zcent 4 lv + reb!rth. 

         1000 arab!dops!z plantz = grou !n dze zpasz okup!ed b! d!sz `page`


Netochka Nezvanova 
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5 Aug 2001

>How strange, Carlo, that this is from a piece by Pier called
>'Unhappy Youths', how miserable he felt in 1975 about
>"revolt becoming part of a code", but that attack on the
>copdrover, that wasn't coded, that was too real, too real a
>hatred for the 'violatingly impotent'.

you seek pleasure + not self.
the inward turning of the worker kontrasts with the outward turning of the dancer.

    all days shall be holy to me - so once spoke the wisdom of my youth.
    verily the language of a joyous wisdom.
    but then did steal my nights, and sold them to sleepless torture

    and once did i wish 2 dance as i yet had never danced:
    beyond all heavens did i want to dance. then did you seduce my favorite minstrel

    only in the dance do i know how to speak the parables of highest things
    and now has my greatest parable remained unspoken in my limbs

one is one self.


i hunger not for you.
you are but poor.




     N[>] IMF - the International Meme Fund
              - shear pathway to the core. 
              - promoting meme development. lokomotion. + reinvestment. 
              - meme sekurity + meme transaktions. [>] 

rekurrent exc!tat!on || 

 – – – – – – – – – – – – Ò – – – – 
– – – – – – – – – – – – – pro satisfacer le metro – – Ò – – – – – – – 
– – – – – – – –  – – – – – –

     0\   zve!te[z]!ztem

27 Aug 2001

saul ostrow <>

>I figured out what your problem is --  

i like to read.

the certainty of ideas is not the foundation of the certainty 
of perception but is, rather based on it - in that the perceptual
experience which gives us the passage from one moment to the next and thus
realizes the unity of time ... in this sense all consciousness is
perceptual, even the consciousness of ourselves.

                maurice merleau-ponty [1947]

derrida wrote: reading is writing.

nn: i uant 2 read you [comme ca -

it's good 2 laugh

>I figured out what your problem is --  

researchers who have taught sign language to chimpanzees 
will no doubt take issue with that.

banana +?  [it's good to eat]


nn searched for her trotsky book + i must tell you
i could never be 01 trotskyite because trotsky is ugly.

and you - are you beautiful + tall +?  [it's good 2]

it's good 2 read. 
it's good 2 write.

>you only know how to attaack
>or stand in  judgment of others 

this forces me to wear elegant mirrors.

and ...

if aging brains get it right, the coming rigidity is tempered by tolerance
and detachment. with advancing years and the accumulation if experience
at one point, brains reach a threshold and undergo a state transition, such that on
passage there is a remarkable coming together of all that is past,
an awareness of global interconnectedness between the accumulated recollections
and understandings over the years. this is the state of wisdom.

it cannot be directly sought or striven for [daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]
but it is recognized when it comes [palms with little drawings of branches and dirt +?]
and it brings a serenity and graciousness of knowing how small the sense of
self is, how transient are its aims and impacts, and how broad is the range
of interconnection with other selves by influences too small to be singled out
and labeled, yet undeniably acting within -

in the way that a single neuron in cortex `knows` what is to be done from the field
of activity within which it is embedded, without the need to know
`why` or `what the big picture is`.  it is sufficient for a neuron 
to perform as a neuron is designed to do, and for a woman or man
it is enough to know that one has met a challenge or passed 01test without 
realizing that a test was in progress.

not everyone achieves this state of mind, and it is not communicable in words
or by teaching, but it is there and has been written about, and when one arrives,
one knows that the future has joined with the past to make a circle outside time. 

space folds onto itself.
love does as well.

Andreas Broeckmann [being romantic dear +?]

>listening, darling. how deep is your love?

[you arent addressing me though are you +?]  

i have a lot of protein folds. long long folds.
that's why it's tiring. they're all folding around[in]beneath you.

the fishtank bursts in mid air, and the z!l!kon in the glass melts with your body

want a bite +?

it's good to eat.

nn - my students and i train rabbits

hier triffst du life forms mit echten
namen statt nicknames! macht spaß!
und sie macht ernst: die virtuelle koridor wird zum
bindeglied ins real life: life forms mit echten
namen treffen sich auch im echten leben. da+da!


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>> !t !z feaz!bl zlkt l!f 4rmz = dez!r > dzn hap!nesz.

>yes. possible. but
>there is a lot of ...

not l!ke dzat. l!ke dzat -> ekzepz!onl.

4 01 v.good r!zn

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