Biotic Baking Brigade on Wed, 2 Jan 2002 21:22:27 +0100 (CET)

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<nettime> Pie Times News Digest #3: Happy New Year

In early September, a 16-year old boy slapped a strawberry tart in 
the middle of the face of  King Carl Gustaf of Sweden on Wednesday. 
The incident occurred when
the monarch together with his wife visited a bird reserve in Halland, in
the west of Sweden. At the moment of the 'attack' the royal couple
were on their way back to their limousine. The 'assailant' was
immediately overpowered by the king's bodyguards. At first the king was
somewhat shocked, but according to eyewitnesses he laughed at it
some minutes later. Then he went up to the young man, slapped him on
the shoulder, and asked if he had survived the attack of his bodyguards.


Friday, October 26th, police capitain Francisco Roher got pied while
attempting to present his master's dissertion thesis at an university in
Sao Paulo, Brazil.

The capitain was the commander of the troop that violently repressed
anti-FTAA protesters on April 20th. As a result of the police operation,
100 people got injured, 69 were arrested, 10 people got tortured at the
police station and one protester got shot by conventional gun.

Capitain Roher is also a graduate student at the PUC Catholic University.
He wrote a thesis about communitary police in which he tries to understand
why is so difficult for police officers formed during the dictatorship to
fit the roles of the "modern" communitary police. The thesis is considered
a "pro" human rights dissertation.

About 150 protesters blockaded the room in which thesis would be presented.
The protest was mainly directed to the university which did not make public
the date and place of the presentation. By doing so, university did the
same thing police did on A20: prevented protesters to have their voices heard.

After the blockade, protesters surrounded the capitain. A group of
anarchist students pied him. He had to be locked down in a room for three
hours waiting situation to calm down.

He left university surrounded by gards and by a crowd of one hundred
shouting "Fascist!", "Torturer!", "Hipocrite!" and "Coward!"

For picture go to:


  Dec. 14, 2001, Toronto Star

  Chretien pie attacker wins reduced sentence; Judge cuts jail time to 
eight days served for
  Aug. 2000 stunt

  CHARLOTTETOWN (CP) - The man convicted of assault for shoving a pie in Prime
  Minister Jean Chretien's face has won his appeal to have his sentence reduced.

  Evan Wade Brown was originally sentenced to 30 days in jail for 
putting a cream pie in
  Chretien's face during a visit to Charlottetown in August 2000.

  He served only eight days before he was released pending his appeal.

  On Thursday, P.E.I.'s Supreme Court decreased the sentence to the 
time Brown has
  already served.

  Justice Jacqueline Matheson said the original sentence put too much 
emphasis on

  Matheson said there was no evidence similar assaults took place on 
the Island either before
  or after the pie incident.

  Brown, 24, of Lower Sackville, N.S., had argued no other 
pie-throwing cases in the
  country have received such serious jail time.

  During the appeal Brown's lawyer said there was no need to make an 
example of Brown to
  deter others. He said there hasn't been a rash of pie throwings 
since Brown was charged
  and sentenced.

   Two Quebec residents, Patrick Robert and Benoit Foisy, who put pies 
in the face of   Intergovernmental Affairs Minister Stephane Dion, 
were both given suspended sentences by a    Montreal judge in May 


Press release - for immediate release - 7.15pm, 5 September 2001

'Pies for damn lies and statistics' as Danish anti-green author gets his
just desserts

Danish anti-environmentalist author Bjorn Lomborg today received his just
desserts courtesy of a fellow writer enraged at his "dangerous and
misleading" statements on crucial green issues.  A pie was thrown in his
face at Borders Bookshop in Oxford just after 7pm this evening.

Lomborg's heavily-promoted new book 'The Skeptical Environmentalist' claims
variously that consumer waste isn't a problem, that species loss is minimal,
and that it is far too expensive to do anything about global warming.

Pie-man Mark Lynas said he was unable to ignore Lomborg's comments on
climate change.  "I wanted to put a Baked Alaska in his smug face," said
Lynas, "in solidarity with the native Indian and Eskimo people in Alaska who
are reporting rising temperatures, shrinking sea ice and worsening effects
on animal and bird life."

Many countries in the Third World are also experiencing the effects of
climate change.  In Africa, Lake Chad is now a twentieth of the size it was
in the 1950s, leaving millions potentially without water.  The Pacific
island nation of Tuvalu is planning the evacuation of its entire population
as sea levels continue to rise.

"And yet despite all this evidence," comments Lynas, "Lomborg somehow
contrives to argue that it is cheaper to go on burning fossil fuels than to
switch to clean energy to prevent runaway global warming.  This feeds right
into the agenda of profiteering multinationals like Esso."

He continued: "I don't see why the environment should suffer every time some
bored, obscure academic fancies an ego trip.  This book is full of dangerous


1. Lomborg's claims have already been discredited in his native Denmark,
where several of his colleagues in Aarhus University have created a website
dedicated to an articulate critique of his views.  See

2. Lomborg's background is as a statistician, a training which has left him
well-equipped to tell lies by manipulating figures in order to jump on the
anti-environmentalist bandwagon.

3. Mark Lynas is currently writing a book for HarperCollins about the
effects of climate change on people around the world. He can be reached for
comment on: 07932 719300, 01865 439281,

Broadcast-quality DV footage is available from Undercurrents - 01865 203661,
07973 298359

Photographs available from Adrian Arbib - 01865 454600 or Hugh Warwick -
01865 716498


British Shadow Home Secretar Ann Widdecombe gets egged in Nottingham

In Nottingham on 5 sept the revolting Ann Widdecombe (pied earlier in 
the year by the Asylum Seekers Support Group in anti-racist protest) 
had to dodge more
missiles.  She was in town to talk about homelessness.  As she entered the
building a passing cyclist narrowly missed her ear with an egg.  Once
inside a woman, incensed at the tory swine saying that the "fairest way
to deal with refugees was to put them all into reception centres", stood
up, ranting "you mean prisons don't you Ann, you racist scum?  have you
ever been to prison?  do you have any idea how people suffer?" and flung 2
eggs, one hitting the rostrum and splattering all over Ann's suit.  The
woman was nicked by Special Branch to prevent a breach of the peace, but
released after a couple of hours after Widdecombe left.


Carbondale--A former Southern Illinois University student received a 
year of probation for throwing a pie at Gov. George Ryan.
Dawn Roberts, 30, agreed to plead guilty to misdemeanor battery. She 
had faced a felony charge of aggratvated battery for throwing a 
chocolate-pudding and whipped-cream pie at the governor last May.
Roberts also will perform 100 hours of community service, pay court 
costs and send a written apology to Ryan, said her attoryney, Richard 
Roberts threw the pie at the governeor, after a town hall meeting in 
Carbondale, to draw his attention to a campus dispute.
Roberts was a member of Students for Excellence in Education, which 
said at the time of Roberts' arrest that Ryan failed SIU by ignoring 
the group's claims that the school's board of trustees had too many 
Republicans in violation of state law.


"The following posting refers to the pieing of steve bracks, victorian
premier, who was instrumental in ordering the baton charges and heavy handed
attacks of the police during the s11-13 protests against the world economic
This info is very late and was meant to be directed to someone who requested
information in the states, the email details have been lost and by posting
here i hope it gets to the requester, and is a worthwhile chapter in the
global pastry uprising."

Many apologies for this message taking so long to arrive.

I face court for my pieing of Victorian Premier Steven Philip Bracks, at
10:00AM on June 8th at the Melbourne Magistrates' Court.

I am facing 5 charges. Unlawful Assault on Bracks and Unlawful Assault and
Reckless Causing Injury for the nine-year-old boy who was holding hands with
the Premier at the time and fell over when I did the pieing. I am also
facing Reckless Conduct that could have lead to Serious Injury to the
Premier and Offensive Behaviour. Phewwww!!!!

I did the pieing to highlight the brutal and unprovoked assault police
launched on peaceful protesters at S-11-the protest at the World Economic
Forum in Melbourne from
Sept 11-13th.

I was there when the riot police used batons to break people's bones,
smashing heads and faces. They also used horses and ran over people with
motorbike and car.

The media than called us violent and applauded the police actions. Premier
Bracks called us "fascist" and said "we deserved everything we got". He even
wanted to hold a huge BBQ for all the police at Parliament House but
eventually backed down on this idea after a howl of disapproval.

I did the pieing not really out of hate or anger (although I was probably
pissed off). I did it to highlight my disapproval of the aforementioned
events. I do not hate Premier Bracks but I do not have any respect for him.

I am very sorry that a nine-year-old Aboriginal boy fell over as a result of
the pieing. Apparently, he sustained light bruising and a bit of shock. I
was careless and too focused on the act of pieing at the time. This has made
the memory of this act bitter-sweet. It has also made for a bit of a legal
mess. I would do things differently if I had the chance.

A few weeks ago, Premier Bracks was creamed again. At the opening of the
Melbourne Comedy Festival, Bracks was engaged in a rehearsed comedy dialogue
with a comedian on stage at the official opening.

A comedian called Duff who was beaten by police at S-11 made an unscripted
appearance. Wearing a sign around his neck saying, "Disgruntled Peaceful
S-11 Protester", Duff walked casually up to the seated Premier with a cream
pie in his hand.

Duff then proceeded to splatter the pie in his own face. Immediately after,
Duff leant over and gave the horrified Bracks a big, prolonged creamy
smooch. Once again much to his displeasure, the Premier was left with cream
on his face and suit. A female comedian later licked cream off his ear.

Duff was punished by the lacking-in-humour organisers of the Comedy Festival
with cancelled gigs. Police didn't lay charges. There is to be a fundraising
gig for Duff to compensate for his cancelled gigs. The Premier was quoted as
saying, "The worst thing about these things is the poor quality pies".

The Duff creaming gave me a big laugh and made me feel better about my

I still think a bit of cream is not a big deal. A few people who were hurt
and traumatised at S-11 said the pieing put a smile on their faces. That
made me feel good. I was hoping that it would achieve that and show that
batons may break our bones but won't break our spirit.

Yours creamily,


PS. At my first court hearing a bunch of us staged a pie-fight on the steps
of the Melbourne Magistrates' Court. We brandished signs saying, "Pies not
Batons" and the like. The media lapped it up and a good time was had by all
althought the smell of rancid cream stayed in my hair for weeks. You can
find a link with pictures of this on the DessertStorm website.


Sept. 6th, 2001
Edmonton, Alberta

At least three members of the Edmonton Edible Ballot
Society have been charged with eating their ballots in
the last federal election.  The charges follow a year-long
investigation by Elections Canada into the groups'
culinary activities.

Marika Schwandt is alleged to have liquefied her
ballot with soy milk and fruit before drinking it, and Mike
Hudema reportedly sauteed his ballot in a tangy stir fry.
Witnesses claim that Chad Blackburn ate his ballot raw
(clearly Chad is a masochist with an iron stomach).
The first court appearance will take place on
Wednesday, September 26th at 9am. Smoothies, anyone?

Approximately one hundred members of the Edible Ballot
Society ate their ballots at polling stations across Canada
during the last election, and the group suspects that more
members will be charged.

Special Investigators from Elections Canada have been
visiting members of the group since January, and
interrogating polling clerks.

Those who partook in a ballot meal face up to five
years in jail or a fine of up to $5000. "I guess there
really is no such thing as a free lunch", remarked one
ballot-eater after receiving a court summons.

The trio have been charged under sections 167(2)(a)
and 489(3)(e) of the Canada Elections Act.  These sections
were intended to prevent people from rigging elections by
destroying other people's ballots, but in this case, Elections
Canada has stretched the law to catch ballot eaters.

The trio ate their ballots because they refuse to participate
in a system where casting a vote for some lying tool once every
four years passes for democracy. They want to draw attention
to the shallow nature of our procedural electoral process, and
spark dialogue on participatory alternatives.

Some of these alternatives are discussed on the groups'
web page ( ).  The web page
also has many delicious recipes which can turn an
otherwise bland ballot into a taste sensation.

If you wish to ridicule the bizarre actions of
Elections Canada, you can write to them at 257 Slater St.
Ottawa, Ontario, K1A 0M6, or email them at through their
web page at

If you want more information, please email
If you can afford to support the Edible Ballot Legal Defense and
Kitchen Appliance Fund, please email

And remember kids - If you voted, you can't complain!



A cold Wednesday evening, 7th November, a packed Hackney Community College
canteen.  The call out: “How Clapton can benefit from Regeneration”. 
In reality this
was nothing more than a P.R. exercise by Hackney Council  with their cameras at
the ready.

We have already seen how Clapton, an already deprived area of Hackney, is
‘benefiting’ from regeneration  Atherden Road Nursery being just one
example of how the present Clapton community loses out in order for 
oops I mean regeneration, to move in.

The nursery was closed earlier this year and went under the hammer last month,
being sold to developers after being declared by Hackney council’s
regeneration committee as being ‘surplus to requirements’. Surplus 
despite there being over 1,000 local kids on waiting lists for 
nursery places, despite the parents of
kids in the nursery, who had occupied Atherden, being promised personally by
Jules Pipe, leader of Hackney Council, that it would not close, and despite a
judge in the high court being told by the Council’s legal team that the
building would not be sold!

The head of the Regeneration Committee, who decide on such sales (and funding
cuts  see below for more details), is Guy Nichollson, and guess who was on the
panel last Wednesday night trying to feed a sugar coated regeneration pill to
the packed room! At least two women from the local community had soon heard
enough and decided to tell him just what they thought regeneration had
‘accomplished’ so far. They walked to the front of the room and while one told
the audience that they were about to make a special presentation to Guy
Nichollson, the other searched the complimentary buffet for cream cakes or
pies  but they had all been scoffed! Realising a vegetable samosa wouldn’t
the desired effect, she grabbed an enormous handful of mayonnaise, walked over
to the target and aimed. Bulls Eye!
Guy Nichollson sat looking bewildered with egg mayonnaise dripping down his
face and onto his pullover.

Meanwhile the other woman continued to address the audence asking them if they
thought that there was any connection between rising youth crime in the area
and the closure of local youth clubs, adventure playgrounds, and boys clubs.
(Addressing crime had been used quite prominently in the opening speeches from
the panel, with no apparent irony.) She went onto list other places, such as
Atherden Road, that had suffered from Guy Nichollson’s and Hackney Council’s
grand regeneration plans, before both women were pulled from the room by
council employees and pushed in the direction of the college exit. There they
walked happily by the security guards and out into the night, the image of Guy
Nichollson with egg on his face fixed firmly on their minds.


Splat From the Past....

This was in the San Francisco Bay Area Earth First! Action Update, 
Summer 1989, p.5:

"The Dessert First! Pie Brigade struck again, landing a gooey one 
straight in the face of Pacific Lumber Company's chief forester as he 
spoke to the Society of American Foresters in late April at Spengers' 
banquet room in Berkeley."



The Unforgiving Minute

Terrorist Pie
  Recently I met a member of the group who threw those gooey pies at 
Bill Gates when he was in Belgium.  This guy is very funny and very 
serious.  He tells of the time when all the banks in a Belgian city 
had to remain closed one morning because of a simple, inexpensive way 
that political vandals made the locks on their front doors 
inoperable.  One person's prank is another person's sabotage.  And 
pies have a definite underbelly of danger lurking beneath the whipped 
cream.  From the point of view of a politician or a CEO or a boring 
speaker who gets pied, if somebody can get close enough to smush a 
pie in their face, so can somebody with a gun get close enough to 
blow their brains out.  From the point of view of pie-throwers, this 
is a virtue, for the byproduct of a successful pie-throw is that 
weaknesses in a security system are revealed.  Pie-throwers are the 
equivalent of successful computer hackers who reveal weaknesses in 
security systems.  
        --April 11, 2000


August 30, 2001

Gold and one meter long, phallus is brand-new technology to control
distant workers

Anti-WTO impostors have struck again, delivering a lecture about the
rights of slavery, the stupidity of Gandhi, and the supremacy of free
trade to an enthusiastic crowd of scientists, engineers, and marketing
professionals--all of whom thought they were watching an official WTO

The 150 experts at the "Textiles of the Future" conference in Tampere,
Finland heard one Hank Hardy Unruh explain that Gandhi's "self-
sufficiency" movement was entirely misguided, because it centered
around protectionism, and that Lincoln, by outlawing slavery, had
criminally interfered with the trade freedom of the South, as well as
with slavery's own freedom to develop naturally. Had slavery never
been abolished, Unruh said, today's much cheaper system of sweatshops
would have eventually replaced it anyhow; following this free-market
logic to the end, Unruh declared the Civil War just a big waste of

Finally, to applause from the highly educated audience, Unruh's
business suit was ripped off to reveal a golden leotard with a
three-foot-long phallus. The purpose of the "Management Leisure Suit",
he explained, was to allow managers, no matter where they were, to
monitor their distant, impoverished workforces and to administer
shocks to encourage productivity--assuring that no "Gandhi-type
situation" develop again.

"If a group of Ph.D.s cheers at such crudely crazy things, just
because it's the WTO saying them, what else can the WTO get away
with?"  said Andy Bichlbaum of the Yes Men, the impostors' umbrella
group. (The entire PowerPoint lecture is available at, along with some shots captured by
a video crew preparing a film on the Yes Men's activities.)

The Yes Men had a similar experience last October with a group of
international trade lawyers ( And in
July, a member of the group, again passing as a representative of the
WTO, appeared on a major television network show about protest's
effect on the market (; among other
things, he spoke about how the privatization of education will
naturally eliminate "unproductive" thinkers from the high-school
classroom, a long-term solution to the problem of protest. (Because
the imposture was not noticed and the Yes Men hope for further
appearances, the show's name is being withheld.)

In other quarterly developments:

* A conference session on techniques to counter anti-corporate
activism, normally available for $225 to corporate clients, is
available to activists for free at, thanks to
an anonymous donor.

* At the G8 protests in Genoa, activists distributed one thousand
vanity mirrors, which were then used to reflect the sun into the eyes
of attacking policemen; this fulfilled RTMark project MIRR
(, and those who carried it out
received a $1,000 anonymous investment.

The "Archimedes Project" comes on the heels of the medieval catapult
attack on the FTAA fortress in Quebec City, for which the workers were
awarded $200. For the upcoming IMF protests in Washington, D.C., on
September 29, an RTMark investor has offered $500 to any Lacrosse
team that harnesses their skills and equipment to throw tear gas
canisters back to the police (

* A software development kit and book from,
entitled "Child as Audience", allows anyone to reverse-engineer the
Nintendo Gameboy. Because of content that many will find
objectionable, RTMark has lent its corporate veil to the project,
meaning that any legal flak will be absorbed by the RTMark corporate
body rather than by those responsible.

* The same label that enraged Geffen Records with "Deconstructing
Beck" is issuing its fourth RTMark-sponsored release, "A Mutated
Christmas," a paean to musical sharing illegally assembled from
copyrighted holiday music. Promotional copies will be available in
late September; press and radio requests should be directed to

RTMark's primary goal is to publicize corporate subversion of the
democratic process. To this end it acts as a clearinghouse for
anti-corporate projects. A list of just-added projects is maintained


the pie road

when things have gotten so bad
you think you might explode,
and everything around you
continues to corrode,
don't sink down to their level.
though tempting it may be,
think 'we've gotta have some standards here,
and it begins with me'--
take the pie road!
you'll be really glad you did.
take the pie road--
you can tell it to your kid
when he asks you, "dad, what did you do
inventive or surprising
to save the world?" you can say, "i baked*
for the global pastry uprising"!
With a certain kind of vision
what to some looks like a man
to you looks like a target
for a cream pie or a flan.
& ridicule's important--
it gets 'em where it hurts--
let eco-criminals always fear
they'll get their just desserts!
take the pie road--
a pastry at a time.
take the pie road--
it's our answer to their crime.
when it's time to test that recipe
that you have been devising,
remember that it's good to be
in the global pastry uprising!

*or threw, or (fill in the blank)


"To make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe."
-Carl Sagan

The Biotic Baking Brigade.....coming soon to a pie-o-region near you.                    

Friends of the BBB: c/o POB 40130, San Francisco, CA 94140, Amerika


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