<nettime> twin digests [the, anouk, brown, riemens, westermayer, skoric x2]

["nettime's_digestive_system" <nettime@bbs.thing.net>]

David Teh <dteh@arthist.usyd.edu.au>
     hollywood, madness and the american way of life
"AnouK AnouK" <anoukre@hotmail.com>
     global politics and global forms of terror
"Lachlan Brown" <lachlan@london.com>
     Tora.Tora.Tora?
Patrice Riemens <patrice@xs4all.nl>
     shade of the twins...
till@tillwe.de (Till Westermayer)
     The end of the world as we know it? A view from Germany
"Ivo Skoric" <ivo@reporters.net>
     Those who lived
"Ivo Skoric" <ivo@reporters.net>
     Manhattan's Displaced Persons

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Date: Sat, 15 Sep 2001 10:08:51 +1000
From: David Teh <dteh@arthist.usyd.edu.au>
Subject: hollywood, madness and the american way of life

apologies all, for cross-posting. composed for the ::fibreculture:: list
(.au)

::fc:: our responsibilities ::  mythography  ::  counter-mythology: a
perfect crime

::our responsibilities::

"what can talking about it achieve?"  the understandable pleas for
'grievance before analysis', aired here on ::fc:: and elsewhere, are
integral to the world's response to these appalling events.  but I feel
that a moment of collective silence would be a moment wasted, for we all
have responsibilities in this, not the least of which is to express our
shame.

The responsibility of all able-minded Australians in this situation is to
be critical of our media and our government, their approach to this event
and their interventions in how it 'reaches' us.  Both are deeply
complicit in the propagation of a 24-hr feed of ideas and
pseudo-information that is not theirs and not ours.  Those that can must
listen to and circulate the viewpoints/ responses/information that are
being systematically suppressed from the dominant media-marketplace.  These
are many and diverse.  Our responsibilities are to our own communities --
the moment when the global info-flow is most homogenized coincides with the
moment when our communities' responses to these events is the most chaotic
and diverse. Consensus has never been further away. Let us not pretend
otherwise. There is communicative work to be done, and it involves
media-criticism.

The responsibility of ::fibreculture:: is perhaps greater, because here we
have convened a community, (one of) the specific purposes of which is
precisely this: to be critical of the media (and government). What's more,
many of us are professionals in this respect.  It would be a derogation of
duties to our own communities (as well as any broader ones) to shirk the
task of critical analysis.  I am therefore thankful that the debate here
has been so intelligent and insightful.  It must continue.

::  mythography  ::

I put forward a few of the Mythologies of the Present that I think need
to be attacked.

1.. MADNESS -- these crimes were perpetrated by "crazy people".  This is
obviously BULLSHIT, but it is an immediate framing device for the new War
on Terrorism.  The attacks on the WTC were hideous and unpardonable. But it
is all too obvious that they were IN NO WAY IRRATIONAL. The perpetrators
were not crazy, they were angry.  It is a grave indictment against ALL of
us that their anger came to this expression, rather than being addressed
through the exchange of views and other forms of giving.

America and Americans have been wronged; as they struggle to grasp how and
why, what is even more crucial is that they're made aware that for years,
THEY HAVE WRONGED OTHERS, all across the globe, in ways and dimensions they
have clearly failed to grasp. Whether or not their wrongs were inadvertent,
the opportunity remains for us to make it clear that this "senseless and
random" violence was neither senseless nor random.

2.. AWOL -- the american way of life -- the first kneejerk act in this
Media war was to perceive and promote this crisis as a threat to the AWOL.
A complex of carefully selected ideologies is bundled here: 'freedom';
'democracy'; capitalism; civilisation -- all are predominantly determined
in the American vocabulary yet arise globally/locally in many guises.
Whether or not we hold any of these things dear, we must reject the Bundle
as a justification of anything.  Among other things, this Bundle is
insidious, hypocritical, and covertly Christian.  It is a politically
motivated rationalisation of impending crimes against humanity, and itself
a re-declaration of a global war that has been raging for too long already.
Let us not forget that respect for the lives and ways of foreign peoples is
not America's strongest suit. AWOL must be unbundled and domesticated back
into the US-ideo-scape from which it issues.  I do not want an AWOL. I've
seen it first hand, and it stinks.  It is also unsustainable -- and we've
all just seen with horror how tenuous it is.

3.. It's just like a HOLLYWOOD MOVIE - this has apparently been so
instinctive a response for so many that it was not possible to edit it out
of the media-scape. the comment is muscular, involuntary, like vomiting.
it is telling that all sorts of american 'commentators' (media corps and
'eye-witnesses') have blurted out this obvious analog with cinematic
fiction. pulp and screen culture paved the way for these images, mentally
preparing the audience for this urban apocalypse.  Comparing this horror to
the cinematic version is apparently instinctive. There is the intimation
that this event, so singular, is yet somehow linked to another order of
imagery that is so everyday, so consumable. As far as i am aware, they have
failed to take the next step suggested by this intuition: there's a REASON
that this looks like Hollywood: Hollywood provided the template (screen) on
which (and the audience before which) this violence was wrought. This looks
like Hollywood because that screen was the only screen on which this point
could have been made. Not only coud this have been the confection of a
Hollywood Studio, but in fact, no studio could possibly have produced such
a script, or imagined a crime, so perfect and so compelling. <maltby>


::  counter-mythology: a perfect crime ::

some confusion remains concerning the role of technology in this violence.
It was neither a HI-TECH nor a LO-TECH operation.  It was a NO-TECH
operation.  The perpetrators turned a minute portion of US economic
infrastructure against the rest of this (enormous) infrastructure; in doing
so, they showed deftly what was too obvious to be noticed: that this whole
infrastructure is volatile and deadly -- that the daily constellation of
air-transport movements above North America is a network of mobile bombs.
(open the fold-out map at the back of your In-Flight Magazine. The curved
red lines approximate the trajectories of this network of bombs.) in this
regard, the disaster has changed nothing. We are no more or less 'safe'
than we were before it happened. The perpetrators realise this, which is
why there is unlikely to be further atrocities in the short-term. Their
crime is only perfect if the After is the same as the Before < dphillips>.

The only 'technologies' involved are the technologies of democracy and
capitalism, the economic/geographic/discursive channels by which these are
disseminated and often imposed. If this was simply "a callous attack on a
civilian population", it would've happened over Idaho, Florida and Oregon.
It was a murderous iconoclasm directed at symbols that stood for much more
than AWOL.  Trade, like politics, was the continuation of war by other
means; this is a retaliation presented on the very same ground, the same
networks.

Further, there is nothing left of the perpetrators. A perfect crime leaves
nobody to blame. The worldwide search for evidence is a theatrical
goose-chase.  There is nobody left. All those who took part in the crime
are dead.  This is an absolutely necessary condition of its perfection, for
it follows that every subsequent engagement -- every act of retribution or
reprisal, including all those to date in the media-war -- will be an action
entirely distinct from the tragedy of NYC, DC, Penn. Regardless of possible
'justifications', the causality between 'tragedy' and 'reprisal' must be
regarded as the dodgiest link of all media-time, and must be distrusted
completely. Separate acts, because the perfect crime leaves no-one to
blame.  But blame will fall, and bombs with it. Someone will be punished
for the crime, but their connection with it will be strictly
circumstantial.

send your myths and counter-myths to ::fibreculture::
peace
dt

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From: "AnouK AnouK" <anoukre@hotmail.com>
Subject: global politics and global forms of terror
Date: Sun, 16 Sep 2001 15:48:56 +0000

I start this note by saying that I am against any terrorist attacks of any 
kind, be it physical or psychological.

I am not an expert in Middle East politics, actually I am not an expert in 
politics period. Specially international politics, which follow a logic 
that, no matter how much i try, i will never understand.

When I heard about the last terrorist attacks on the U.S. I was quite 
shocked. But, contrary to some, not surprised. For some time now I had been 
thinking that the inequities we created in our world could not be sustained 
for ever. Maintaining the status quo is the task of the U.S., European 
Union, and most other rich, industrialized countries.

Until a certain extent, in a world where the poor don't have any saying and 
don't count for anything (think about the boat with 400 Afghan refugees that 
nobody wanted to receive) violence becomes the rule of the game.

Politics have always been dominated by obscure diplomatic rules that have 
little to do with common sense or human suffering. That explains why nobody 
intervened in Afghanistan until now, even if the UN and a series of other 
NGOs have been denouncing serious human rights abuses. That also explains 
why in the post-terrorist attack we quickly go from a logic of "many 
innocent people died" to an amazing exploitation of emotions in order to 
fuel the already well-known militarized logic of the current U.S. president.

Is it possible that in a world of global politics the only way to show your 
dissent is by engaging in terrorist attacks? Is it possible that our 
so-called democratic, western countries have created a 'universe' where you 
are only heard if you go with the flow? After all, couldn't we classify the 
lastest anti-capitalist demonstrations as terrorism? they were at least 
pretty violent...

However, a couple of things have surprised me in this aftermatch of the 
"attack on America":

1. First, that the U.S. moves so quickly from a logic of "america and 
americans are first" (e.g., kyoto agreements) to a logic of "the world has 
been attacked". Call it cynicism but I find it hard to understand it.

2. Second, that the way America has to deal with pain is to forget (though 
not forgive...). Only that can explain that movies that feature terrorists 
have been postponed, that articles on Lenin will not be published (see 
Zizek's article), that designers are working hard to take out the twin 
towers of every movie add... It is the same forgetfullness that leads many 
americans to ask "why do they hate us so much?" or "why us?" The U.S. has 
become the symbol of capitalism, of money and power. If you want to shake 
those principles you know where to attack.

3. Third, that we all seem ready to engage in a full fledge war against 
afghanistan even before we know they were the perpretators. Public opinion 
has already made up its mind, fueled by a Bush administration that seems to 
enjoy the ride. Afghanistan is one of the poorest countries in the world. 
Living conditions are so low most of us would have trouble to start 
imagining them. Are we ready to now destroy this country? I am not. I think 
that killing innocent people in order to get to one of the countries 
"leaders", is as absurd and irrational, as attacking the WTC and Pentagon to 
get to the U.S. government.

4. Finally I am quite surprised that no one has yet spoken about the WTC's 
management decision to announce, after the first attack, that the second 
tower was safe and nobody had to leave. This announcement may have cost the 
lives of many people and is, by all standards, fool. It points to the 
strange feeling of security many americans seemed to take for granted.

This are all thoughts that cross my mind as I watch the constant news, and 
see the exploitation of tears, flags, and anger in the U.S.

Best. Anoukre

_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp

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From: "Lachlan Brown" <lachlan@london.com>
Date: Sun, 16 Sep 2001 13:19:38 -0500
Subject: Tora.Tora.Tora?

All,

The significance of 11 September, 8:45 am?

In 1973,  the American Government backed a coup that ousted the
democratically elected government of Chile. At 8:45 11 September 1973
Salvador Allende, President, made an impassioned radio broadcast that helps
put events 28 years later at New York and Washington in their historical
context.

Let us all help America restore its democracy and stop it from reproducing
terror. Let us mourn the dead and disappeared of New York and Washington
along with the dead and disappeared of Chile's 'night', which lasted a
generation. Let us object to 'a war whose enemies are not yet known' on the
grounds that the American government trained, backed and created its own
demons, and that such language is a threat and affront  to all of us
implying the emergence of deep currents of fascism in the American psyche
from Salem through to MacCartheyism. Let us give all of our love, support
and goodwill to Americans as they make their priority necessary change in
their government's policy, or change their government. Let us not be
complicit in the victimisation of another Islamic country (and the
production of future 'terrorisms').

 Lets break the cycle.

Let us put a stop to a racist war before the war machine is mobilised. Let
us remind every generation that rights are won, re-won or extended by each
generation. or they are lost for all.

Stop the war. 

Lachlan
http://third.net
http://www.coaltion.org.uk

-----Original Message-----
from: ricardo dominguez <rdom@thing.net>
date: Sun, 03 Jan 1904 05:42:29 -0500
to:  <nettime-l@bbs.thing.net>
subject: <nettime> pentagon and wtc hit by planes


> Just heard that WTC and the Pentagon have been by planes.
> 
> over and out,
> ricardo
 <...>

-- 

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Date: Sun, 16 Sep 2001 20:35:44 +0200
From: Patrice Riemens <patrice@xs4all.nl>
Subject: shade of the twins...

"No one sees the sun in New York City, the natives say, but the World Trade
Center gives new meaning to living in the shade. On a winter  afternoon, shadows
of its twin towers reach two miles towards the East River. Such shadows loom as 
an issue in the approval process for new high rises in many part of the         
country."
         
National Geographic Magazine, caption of a photograph of  NYC in an article
about Skyscrapers, Febbruary 1989


(with thanks to Zvonimir Bakotin)
& greetings from Split, Dalmatia.

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Date: 16 Sep 2001 22:20:00 +0200
From: till@tillwe.de (Till Westermayer)
Subject: The end of the world as we know it? A view from Germany

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . till we *) . . .

The end of the world as we know it?

A view from Germany

Act 1. The Hague's climate summit fails. US president Bush declares, that  
the USA won't try to do a thing to realise the Kyoto protocol. In Bonn,  
strongly influenced by the EU delegation, a common declaration to save the  
climate is passed without the USA - a declaration which is seen as a  
document of the new multi-lateralism. At the same time, at the G8 summit  
in Genoa, the police violence against `the adversaries of globalization'  
leads to a new debate about the politics of globalization. Europe's  
politics seems to have found a new consciousness. Europe seems to be more  
sure about the European role in the world. For a short moment everything  
looks like the world of the 21st century will be governed by totally new  
constellations compared to the last century, the American century - new  
constellations, without the EU becoming a new USA. There is some quarrel  
about the question, how much self-consciousness Europe is allowed to have,  
about the best place for an European version of world society in this  
multilateral debate, about the borders set by respect for other ways of  
thought. Between the lines one can feel how the pride for the own model  
transforms into opposition against the American model extremized by Bush  
jr. Sporadically there are warnings about hazards of a new anti- 
Americanism, remembering the own left-wing history, emphasising the  
transatlantic solidarity. Nevertheless: The world policy seems to be in  
transformation.

Act II. September 11th, 2001: acts of terror in a new dimension have shot  
into the heart of the US and turned the world with them. The world has  
changed, they say. For some days the oceans become a invincible abyss,  
whereas the media broadcast in global unity. Bush declares war on the  
Evil, someplace they dig out Huntington's idea of an religious Clash of  
Civilisations. Solidarity and sympathy with the American victims are read  
as unrestricted support for the big brother. The North Atlantic Council  
guesses to be in a case covered by Article 5 of the Washington treaty. One  
mobilises for the military campaign against the Evil, against terrorism,  
against the network of Bin Laden, and at some places also against the  
Islam, against everyone who isn't a member of the West. The public opinion  
makes it difficult to analyse in a differentiated way, to ask, what may  
have lead to these stroke. One who remembers the dead which were killed  
directly or indirectly by the USA - or, maybe, to be more precise: often  
killed by the West as a whole - is suspect of anti-Americanism, is suspect  
to justify the act of terror. Only isolated voices call for solidarity and  
circumspection, only isolated voices warn that the war against the Evil  
lead by the US easily could become a global repetition of the Vietnam war.  
Only isolated voices consider the newness of terrorism at this scale, only  
isolated voices say that this leads to a need for new answers, for  
thoughts along the lines of an international court of justice, of an  
international police which isn't the world police also known as the  
strongest state. That new answers are needed to bring to justice the wire- 
pullers and people behind the stroke.

Act III. A lot is still in suspense, now. The news contradict themselves.  
New York as the centre of the news coverage becomes it's blind spot.  
Reaction, politics is everything that counts now. They talk about ending  
states. Whereas budgets in the millions are a reason for quarrel, now  
milliards are mobilised. The people flee from Afghanistan. In Germany the  
conservatives right of the centre of the ruling SPD talk about the  
necessary to end all party quarrel, to become Americans to the last one.  
In the US, it seems, one tastes the aftermath of September, 11th: The  
state control of Internet communication is a done thing, the first deadly  
attack against an Arabic looking American has happened. To be rational  
now, to save the virtues of an open, liberal and democratic society - all  
this is seen as an act against the solidarity with the US, as an act  
against the victims. A lot is still in suspense, now - how long will this  
be? What will be there of the new found consciousness of this world, of  
the consciousness to live on one planet, on a planet that has to solve  
it's problems together and without a strong leader - what will be there  
when the smoke has settled?

                                             Till Westermayer, 2001-09-16
 __ .
 / / / /                            ... Till Westermayer - till we *)
. .
  . mailto:till@tillwe.de http://www.westermayer.de/till/index.htm
  . Habsburgerstr. 82 . 79104 Freiburg . 0761 55697152 . 0170 9554960
  . . . . .

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From: "Ivo Skoric" <ivo@reporters.net>
Date: Sun, 16 Sep 2001 16:52:08 -0400
Subject: Those who lived

The WTC destruction took a heavy toll on Western world financial 
domination. It took a heavy toll on American belief in their 
superiority and invincibility. But the largest toll it took - it took on 
the city of New York, or more precisely on the borough of 
Manhattan. 1% of its inhabitants died in the event. That is the 
equivalent of when a shell crashed in downtown Tuzla killing 72 
young people. Almost everybody lost someone. And as in any war 
there are people who are now refugees in their own city.

Use of passenger airplanes as weapons of mass destruction is 
comparable to use of human shields in Balkan wars, and as such, 
it should be deteremined as a crime against humanity.

On the scale of destruction and human suffering - in the single 
morning in New York city more people was killed than in 78 days of 
NATO's bombing of Yugoslavia - but far less than in the 
comparably shorter bombing campaign over Iraq - this was a very 
traumatic moment for New York, perhaps the most traumatic in its 
history.

It also ended up with losing its landmarks - ok, they were not 4 
centuries old like the Old Bridge in Mostar (which is now under 
reconstruction, btw), but they were here for mere 30 years and 
people got quite used to the - Planet Sushi, a Japanese restaurant 
100 blocks north used the on their ads.

Everybody is apalled with the alleged mastermind behind the 
attack: how did somebody, who inherited 80 millions at the age of 
13, end up hating the rich world and desiring its demise? How did 
he convince people to prepare themselves for years for this singular 
act of dying?

Also, how many more groups prepared to do the same are still 
around the world waiting for their chance?

Obviously, the U.S. would have to rethink a lot about its defense 
policy and about its very way of life. The space shield is obviously 
on the back-burner, now. But there are more profound elements 
that aided terrorists in their plan, and that would be very hard to 
change.

It seems that those whose actions would be characterized as 
undesirable under the 'normal' circumstances, are at an advantage 
in the chaotic circumstances. Those who were late for their jobs on 
Tuesday, risked being fired, but they were more likely to survive 
and not get hurt. Those who did not obey the urging to 'go back to 
their desks', 'stay calm', and 'wait for the authorities', those who 
yelled at the guards at the bottom of the WTC to open the doors, 
which they kept shut to 'prevent the panic' - they lived, while those 
who were respecting order and following instructions died together 
with those authorities - 200+ firefighters - when they came to their 
rescue. Those who sat back in their airplane seats waiting for the 
terrorists to issue their ultimatum and for 'authorities' to negotiate 
and get them out, they all died in their planes crashing at the 
target. Those who fought the men with box-cutters - those also 
died, but their plane missed the target by far.

We should not forget those examples, and, in our serch to mitigate 
risks, we should not let laws replace our common sense, rules 
replace our personal courage and trust in the authorities replace 
the trust in ourselves. Because, that's exactly what the terrorists 
count on and take advantage of.

ivo

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From: "Ivo Skoric" <ivo@reporters.net>
Date: Sun, 16 Sep 2001 16:51:23 -0400
Subject: Manhattan's Displaced Persons

A friend of mine, living to close to the destroyed area, lost his 
apartment and a place of work, and is now, what observers of 
Balkan wars aptly called: an internally displaced persons. A 
refugee in his own city.

ivo

------- Forwarded Message Follows -------
from:           	"Tomislav Novakovic" <feedthemonkey@msn.com>

Dear friends and family,

Last night, I was compelled to return to my neighborhood and was driven to 
see more.  I think more than anything it was my own denial of how much has 
changed and how enormous the consequences of these attacks have been.  For 
some reason I was not satisfied with the images presented to me on a 
television set with reporters giving their comments so freely and 
speculating the next set of events.  I wanted to see with my own eyes.

On September 11th, two blocks from my apartment... I was awoken by my wife 
Alejandra who screamed and looked out the window... we lived on the fourth 
floor of a five story building... the windows face Park Place... one block 
south is Barclay... and one more block the World Trade Center.  At first I 
looked and thought an accident... some type of explosion... a gas leak 
perhaps... but I quickly remembered that the World's Towers were under 
attack in 1993 and my assistant Takuro Miyoshi, a Japanese national got his 
video camera and started to tape the event.  What seemed like moments 
later... the second plane hits the next tower.  Still inconcievable to all 
of us... I summon Takuro back inside and the smoke... a thick black velvet 
passing through the streets like the angel of death beckoning all to 
recognize its face.  A few moments later and the smoke clears... we are all 
in a deep panic and can now see that both towers are in ablaze.  Mass 
hysteria on the streets as people try to outrun the thick ash that rains 
upon them.  We turn on the television... my guest from Argentina, Marcela... 
says the obvious... we're under attack.  But the words are necessary to 
comprehend the unthinkable situation.  We all watch from the window.  My 
wife says... what if they collapse... and Marcela rightfully so... responds 
quickly.  No... those towers will burn but never fall.  Moments later... the 
first tower collapses and we all freeze... the unthinkable has just become a 
reality.  Now... we quickly gather some of our possessions and are ready to 
leave... the north tower is too close and if it cracks it will surely crush 
us if it falls in our direction... we know that and know that we must act 
quickly.  We get to the door... all four of us... our bags in hand... and 
suddenly just like the first tower... there is a grumbling... I rush 
everyone into the bathroom... and we crouch to the floor.  A few moments 
later and I rush to the window.  The second tower is no longer there.  The 
deadly black smoke rushes through the streets once again.  I check the 
windows to make sure they are closed.  There is fire... I watch the 
televsion which repeats the images over and over.  But the dimensions don't 
represent what we all saw.  Amazingly our telephone lines are still 
functioning... we begin to call family and friends... I start to call 
friends that live in the area... completely desperate to hear their voices.  
Family calls... friends call... the phone is a life line in the turbulent 
sea.  The calls are quick and basic... yes we are alive... next call... yes 
we are alive.  This continues for a few hours.  I think we are all in a deep 
state of shock.  We are paralyzed... we don't know where to go... what to 
do.  Now... the phone lines are cut... and by five pm our electricity is 
cut... we need to move.  I run down to the streets covering my face... the 
fear of poison gas or chemical warfare.  No one knows... I open my front 
door... the first thing I notice... is that the ash on the street is like 
snow... only gray in color.  An officer sees me... and asks... what are you 
doing in there... you need to get out now.  I tell him I have three people 
upstairs and I will get them and then we will leave.  I try to stay as calm 
as possible... I tell my wife, Marcela and Takuro... we need to leave... we 
are being evacuated.  We get down to the street with our bags and still in a 
daze walk north... the streets are blocked off by police.  Most of the 
people are hurded to Reade Street which is four blocks north.  The police 
hold people back... a great black cloud rises from the sight of the towers.  
Everyone's face has dropped as if watching the latest special effects from a 
Spielberg movie.  Of course at this point no one can process what has 
happened.  Myself included.  I tell my wife to keep walking... she is in 
shock and keeps looking back as if she were watching a movie.  The streets 
filled with sirens and police officers.  Building number seven... to the 
north of the towers... 47 stories high collapses... we hear the sounds of 
collapse and we are quickly moving.

We walk up sixth avenue... and then cut across Bleeker... through the 
village... very few people in the streets.  We have no idea where we will go 
but I know we must continue walking north.  I try to keep focused and live 
in the real world... not what I want to think.  My mind has played that 
trick on me in the past.  The most simple elements that so many New Yorkers 
have abandoned... the payphone is now a very valuable commodity.  Cell 
phones are no longer working... there are lines of people waiting to make 
phone calls.  We walk up Greenwich Street... a street that has mostly 
industrial buildings... we have friends that live close to Times Square.  
I'm afraid to take the subway... I do not want to go to a dark place... I do 
not want to go underground.  I see a payphone and run... I pick it up and a 
dial tone.  I realize that another friend is closer... living on Jane Street 
in the village.  I call... Jorge picks up the phone and tells me to come 
over.  I tell him I have three people with me.  He doesn't hesitate and 
tells me to come right over.  We get there and my eyes rush to the 
television.  From his window on the fifteenth floor with a sight of 
downtown.  We see from a distance... the smoke and for the first time I 
realize the towers are gone.  I try to stay calm.  I want to scream.

We stay up all night watching the news... and I think to myself.  When will 
I be able to go back home.  I say to myself... again in denial... a few 
days.  How ridiculous I think now.  I need some normalcy in my life... some 
structure.  I'm a New Yorker... lived here for thirty years... this is my 
city.  How could I be a refugee in my own city?  Impossible... in New York.  
It's a nightmare.  After a day... I say to my wife that I will try to return 
the next day and pick up some things.  I walk down with Takuro.  The only 
documents I have with me are my marriage license... ok... my passport... but 
nothing with my address downtown... Ok... but my name is on the marriage 
license and my wife has a travel document from immigration services... a 
federal entity.  This has our address on it at Murray Street.  It's a bit of 
convincing... but it works.  I am through the first checkpoint on Houston 
Street.  Again I am not used to checkpoints in New York City... no one is.  
I walk west and then south to Canal Street.  Another checkpoint... no one is 
allowed in.  I explain... after about 15 minutes I am allowed through.  I 
get down to Chambers... and now I see the national guard... in military 
fatigues.  They don't let us through... I walk to Church and the guards are 
in shock really... and I walk through with a bunch on New York City police 
officers.  We walk one block south and then one more and we are on my 
corner.  Murray and Church... and I just look down the street... two more 
blocks... and see the mangled steel of our towers.  I don't even think about 
going down.  I rush with Takuro to the apartment... we are in darkness and I 
use my little maglight attached to my keys.  We take some clothes and I load 
my camera with film.  We go back downstairs to the streets... and we just 
stand on the streets... I take photos of soldiers of firemen of construction 
workers of emergency crews.  I take photos not because I want to remember... 
but to record so I will believe in the reality of the image.  It all feels 
like a bad dream.  Tears stream down Takuro's eyes... we both realize that 
the toll in human devastation is going to be enormous.  My neighborhood has 
now become a warzone.  They found one of the plane engines on my street.  
It's too much.  We walk back to my friend's place in the village.

That night we sleep at a friend's place on 57th Street... my guest Marcela 
stays in the village with Jorge.  Takuro stays with my friend Juan on the 
lower east side.  We have separated... it sets in... everything has changed 
now.  People walk in the streets with looks of shock on their faces.  It's 
all unreal... not happening.  That night I fall asleep watching TV... the 
images of the planes entering into the towers like a knife cutting into bars 
of butter.  I am haunted.

The next day... I want to get closer.  I want my neighborhood back... I 
decide to go alone... it's easier for onc person to negotiate the 
checkpoints.  I leave at about six in the evening.  I get down to West 4th 
Street with the train.  I get past the checkpoint at Houston Street.  Make 
my way to the checkpoint at Canal Street.  The officer tells me no one is 
allowed in.  I go to another checkpoint.  I ask another officer.  He says 
the only way to get through is with a police escort.  There ae about twenty 
people waiting to get in.  A lieutenant decides to let everyone in that can 
prove they live in the area.  I make my way down to Chambers via Church 
Street.  Now I am not allowed in... it's too dangerous.  The national guard 
tell me to go home.  I double back and try to get past the checkpoint on 
Greenwich and Chambers.  It's chaos.  The media are barricaded on the west 
side of Greenwich and some hopeful tenants that want to get some possessions 
on the east side of the street.  No hope of getting in... one by one... all 
the tennants leave... I wait two and a half hours.  I watch the amount of 
movement.  They are in full production... a military operation... food tents 
are set up for the troops... evacuation crews... thousands of firemen and 
polcie officers... FBI agents and lights set up for 24 hour visibility.  It 
hits me... this is a war zone.  My neighborhood is the first target of a 
very dirty war.  I decide to double back again... and this time two national 
guardsmen check all my documents and with stern faces tell me that the only 
way through is with those officers on the corner.  Suddenly a bus load of 
officers dressed in black t-shirts and green pants are being unloaded at the 
checkpoint.  The guardsmen are busy directing the wall to wall traffic of 
trucks and cars.  I take a chance.  I slip between the police officers 
getting off the busy and enter through the checkpoint... one more checkpoint 
and I'm in.  I stay close to some of them and look as if I belong aside from 
being dressed in shorts.  Last checkpoint... about ten soldiers... I try not 
to make eye contact and I'm through... one block... Warren Street... next 
block Murray... I quickly step aside... light a cigarette... and stand there 
a moment.  I look down the street at the mangled steel and I am drawn by the 
destruction.  I must see with my own eyes.  First I take out my flashlight 
and go to the front door of my building and make my way up the stairs.  I 
get my wife's thyroid medication... she hasn't taken them in two days... and 
it's dangerous for her.  I get some clothes... and some of Marcela's 
possessions.  I take one of Takuro's bags and I fill my backpack and 
Takuro's leather bag.  I didn't bring my camera.  Takuro's camera is on his 
desk... I search for film.  I only have black and white film... 20 photos.  
I smoke another cigarette... load the film and I'm out.

I walk to Murray and Church and think for a moment... how far down could I 
go... I decide to do it... I begin to walk and say to myself... if someone 
stops me I'll leave.  I walk one block to Barclay and the next is Anne 
Street... the beginning of the tower... thousands of workers... police 
officers... emergency rescue teams with dogs... FBI... heavy machinery... 
and one part of the tower maybe ten stories high... impaled into the street 
like an arrow.  Nothing like television... nothing that fits into this neat 
little box with remote control.  No... the dimensions are enormous... and I 
can't even recognize where the towers once stood.  They are charred like 
barbecue grills.  Many workers take photos from time to time... officers do 
the same... even the soldiers.  So I move right to the middle of ground zero 
and standing between all of the chaos and destruction begin to take photos.  
I see the surroundings and I now see what war is...this is war... this is 
hate... this is destruction... this is sadness... this is not real... I 
think the numbers they give those poor family members who are looking in 
hospitals and shelters for their loved ones.  I speak to a police captain... 
all the police know the real numbers.  I say something like why do they say 
5000 missing on television... and he says little by little... maybe people 
will never get a real number... but he assures me that the number is close 
to 50,0000.  This is a number that America can not imagine... this is a 
number that threatens our acceptance of what has just happened.  I look 
through the wreck and say to myself... and feel... no survivors... bodies 
will never be found because of disintegration.  One of the workers tells me 
that all day long... they find body parts... but not whole bodies.  He says 
he has nightmares... he says he wasn't prepared.  I don't think anyone is 
prepared for something like this.  I saty for about 45 minutes... and I take 
photos... I am at ground zero... I know... I didn't trust the images on the 
tv... they don't have the same impact... but I trusted my eyes.  And now I 
know my life has changed forever and the life of my family and friends.  I 
know I am homeless... I know that it will be months before I am allowed to 
return... I know that I can no longer support my family like before... 
everything I did and made in terms of income came from the home we've built 
on Murray Street... my acting classes... my art gallery shows... people knew 
our place as a safe place to express their emotions... and now we don't feel 
safe.  We are all affected in ways that we can only experience in our own 
times.  I realized that when I stood at Ground Zero... and saw soldiers 
marching though... putting up tents... and paroling the area... the streets 
no longer looked like the streets of New York City... they were full of dirt 
and ash... This is not the New York I once knew... this is Sarajevo... this 
is Kosovo... this is Israel... this is Palestine... this is Rawanda... we 
are all the same now... we are all Americans... we are all at Ground Zero... 
and I know that rebuilding lives will be difficult... but I know that I can 
only fill my life with the love of family... and the greatest friends from 
all over the world that have worried about my wife and me.  Now... I am not 
afraid to cry... not just for me... but for all those families that have had 
knives plunged into their hearts and are still hoping where hope does not 
exist... I cry because when they know the truth they will feel great pain... 
they will all have to start over again... they will all have bad dreams... 
they will all remember... they will all become brothers and sisters... they 
will all start from Ground Zero.

Dedicated to all the families of the victims of Ground Zero World Trade 
Center.

September 11th 20001   A day that has changed us all.


Dear friends and family... we love you all and we are greatful to be 
alive... I will never be able to deny that life is precious and as a 
survivor... which only today I realized I could call myself I tell you this 
story.


Please email this to the ones you love and share life.


With much love and appreciation to all the wonderful people I've been 
blessed to have in my life.


Tomislav Novakovic
feedthemonkey@msn.com
212-332-0928


PS  Please contact me via email or the phone number above.  Home phone not 
for months.


Also... Love from Alejandra, Takuro and Marcela

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