[Nettime-bold] FW: Eisner Pummeled by Disney's Frozen Head

[Bruce Sterling <bruces@well.com>]

------ Forwarded Message
From: "futurefeedforward" <fff@futurefeedforward.com>
Date: Sun, 09 Dec 2001 16:57:33 -0800
To: <bruces@well.com>
Subject: Eisner Pummeled by Disney's Frozen Head



December 18, 2027

Eisner Pummeled by Disney's Frozen Head

LOS ANGELES--Documents released Monday by the Walt Disney Company in the
course of its defense against a wrongful death suit brought by the estate of
its late Chairman and CEO reveal gruesome details of the executive's
"accidental" death and confirm longtime rumors that the company has, for
decades, maintained the frozen head of its founder in hopes that
developments in medical science will enable his eventual resurrection.
"This was a real double whammy," exclaims court journalist and veteran
Disney-watcher Juan Yell.  "I mean, to have all the 'frozen head' stuff turn
out to be true after all these years, and then to have it so closely linked
to Eisner's mysterious death, all I can say is 'wow!'"

    According to a memos produced by the company in response to legal
requests by Eisner's estate, the company had sought to conceal details of
the accident both "to maintain sensitivity to [Eisner's] family" and to
"protect valuable trade secrecy RE proprietary attraction applications of
certain quantum engineering developments and RE Project Bread."  Transcripts
of internal Disney debriefings further reveal that 'Project Bread' was code
for the company's efforts to maintain, repair and eventually revive the
cryogenically-preserved head of Walter E. Disney, while the head itself was
known to insiders simply as 'the Bread.'

    AV files released by the company, including footage of the accident
itself captured by laboratory security cameras, document a day-long visit by
Eisner to the company's top secret research facility.  "There's some
powerful footage in there," notes a source close to the defense team.  "From
what I've seen, Eisner was alone in this room where they keep the head,
locked in there really because the security is so tight.  He seemed to be
looking at the head inside this case when BAM, the head comes shooting out
like a rocket and hits him square in the face, knocking him over.  Then the
head just went ricocheting around the room like some crazy kind of bullet or
something.  He kept trying to get up and make it to the door, but the head
just kept bouncing of the walls and hitting him, again and again and again.
It was really brutal."

    Central among the documents are files reportedly covering internal
investigations of the accident and linking Eisner's death to the company's
experimental development of technologies exploiting the bizarre phenomenon
of quantum entanglement.  "In these files the company has as much as
admitted its culpability," claims Eisner estate attorney Phineas Bustamente.
"The company's Imagineers apparently developed a technology that permits two
objects separated by significant distance to become 'entangled' with each
other.  There were a couple of projects based on this technology.  One was
an update of Space Mountain where riders in an open field would be
'entangled' with a remote coaster and sort of fly around on an invisible
ride.  The other had something to do with thawing the frozen head by
applying heat to a pumpkin with which it was entangled.  It appears that
negligence by company employees lead the head to become entangled with a
prototype roller coaster, transforming it int!
o a dea

dly projectile."

    While refusing to comment on particular documents, a spokesman for
Disney called the suit "irresponsibly speculative" and denied that Eisner's
death was anything but an "unfortunate and tragic accident."

    Contacted about the possibility that his former patient's death was
caused by repeated, high-speed blows by a frozen, quantum-entangled head,
Eisner's personal physician deferred conclusory comment, but remarked that a
head, if frozen, could produce injury like that of a "cannonball" and that
Eisner's "multiple, fatal traumas were consistent with such an instrument."

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